


Set Me On Fire

by miladydw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Also Leah gets the characterization she deserves, BAMF Hermione Granger, Crack, Don't worry, F/M, Humor, Imprinting (Twilight), Is this how you tag?, M/M, Not your mama's Twilight, POV Multiple, Really Short Chapters, Short Chapters, Smut, Tags Are Hard, With A Twist, and Bella, and also violence, and hermione, basically fucking Steph's shit up, hopefully, no beta we die like men, no seriously, sexy times ahead, shit gets wild, trying to do the wolves some justice, ye be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:41:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miladydw/pseuds/miladydw
Summary: One smoldering wolf. One fiery witch. A dash of fate. Combustion imminent.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Hermione Granger/Sam Uley, Jacob Black/Harry Potter
Comments: 29
Kudos: 58





	1. "Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."

The sharp rap of well made leather shoes rang through the hallway, louder and faster as the man sprinted closer to his destination, breath heaving and uncaring that he disrupted other meandering workers milling about in the corridor.

Essentially, time was of the essence and he had very little of it.

Rough brick scraped along his palm as he grabbed the corner to swing himself suddenly to the left—twisting in a move reminiscent of a football player and rushed past the woman with the giant stack of loose papers piled precariously in her hands.

"Sorry! _Sorrysorrysorrysorry_ —" he continued the half whispered desperate mantra as he ran, unconcerned if anyone actually understood him. "Almost there—come on!" _Run…faster_ … _finally!_

An unassuming brown door loomed in front of him, closed with the implied message that its inhabitant was either gone or busy and wishing to not be disturbed. Which was unfortunate for the messenger who broke conduct and attempted to get her attention without running through the proper channels first.

He hoped he wasn't one of them. Or really that this news was so important that she would forgive his insolence.

Either way, it was too late. He was already committed and frankly the punishment would be much worse if he didn't deliver this news and she found out. So slowing down only as much as was possibly necessary, he flew past the empty receptionist desk and barreled through the door, attempting not to shrink back when her surprised glare bore into him.

"Apologies ma'am! _Please don't hex me_ ," he blurted, "but I really thought you'd want to see this!" Thankfully for him she didn't waste any time or send a stray spell his way, she just took the crumpled piece of paper and unfolded it, rapidly scanning the rushed scrawl.

"Oh for _fucks_ sake!" He jumped when the vulgar phrase was shouted out, shuffling (and slightly cowering though he'd deny it later) to the corner when she burst up from her chair, wand waving and transfiguring her clothes; paper airplanes then launched themselves from her desk and out the door to zoom off in completely random directions.

"Of all the places, of all the _bloody reasons_ —of course she's in it! Bloody neck deep in this shite!" Abruptly he found himself the sole recipient of a heated hazel gaze he wanted absolutely no part of.

He will admit to flinching here.

"If you manage to get Rogers to the apparition point in less than five minutes I'll think about forgetting that you bulldozed into my office without so much as a knock and a hello."

Needless to say he was already gone before she had fully finished the sentence.

* * *

Isabella Swan liked to consider herself open minded, especially when it came to what other people might think of as 'freaky shit'.

Guy she liked ended up being a vampire?

Cool.

Best friend turns into a giant wolf?

Sure, why not?

Crazy widow out for her blood and created a mini army of vicious newbie vamps to get it?

Not ideal but whatever.

So when a random man popped up out of nowhere and fed her the famous ' _come with me if you want to live'_ line before grabbing her and her boyfriend, she just went with it. Although when they ended up back in the field with the Cullen's looking at her like she was insane, she could admit some confusion.

Edward's snarling didn't help much either.

The stranger merely sighed and rolled his eyes before taking a stick out of his sleeve to tap her boyfriend on the nose with it—freezing him in place. Under different circumstances she would probably be laughing at the outrageous fact that someone had the balls to boop a vampire, let alone her surly one, but her attention was fixated with mounting horror on the stick the man was now twirling in between his fingers.

" _Oh shit_."

The man—wizard, she knew now—took one look at her face and threw his head back to laugh.

"Oh _yes_ ," he purred. "You definitely should have told her. She probably would have let you go through with this idiotic plan if she knew ahead of time but here we are. You're hip deep in the middle of a shit storm and I'm on babysitting duty," he said, glancing at his wristwatch before eyeballing the rest of the group (that she thought had been weirdly silent during this brief but twisted interlude). "The guests of honor should be here any moment now so do me solid and don't do anything stupid. She's planning on letting out a little frustration and I don't really want any left over rage pointed at me because you decided to run off and hurt yourself."

Okay. That's fair.

"Bella? Would you care to explain what's going on?" Esme's clear voice didn't sound how she imagined. There was no anger or fear and there was a distinct lack of _what the fuck_ like if a certain blonde had been asking.

"I—" she was interrupted by a thunderous crack, louder than any she'd heard before (she lived in Washington so that was saying something) and she peeked over to the wizard to find him rocking back onto his heels with a shit-eating grin on his face.

 _Not good_ , she decided.

Bella turned back around and peered over Edward's still frozen shoulder to spot someone standing in the middle of the field between them and where the newborns would be coming through.

It was a woman. Black utilitarian clothing (ass-kicking boots included) with long brown hair in a tight braid down her back. She couldn't see her face but she knew immediately who it was.

 _I am so screwed_.

"What the _fuck_ is happening?!" And Rosalie finally decided to chime in. _Super_.


	2. "Does it bother you, me being half naked all the time?"

Sam liked to think he was a confident individual. And while a lot of that confidence came from his drive to understand how shit worked (knowledge was power after all and if there was one thing he hated above everything else, other than leeches, it was feeling stupid)—most of it stemmed from his need to be in control.

So when Seth's mental panic attack came barreling through the pack's shared consciousness and showed the girl and the bloodsucker vanishing into thin air (which was definitely _not_ the plan), he was _pissed_.

Apparently so was Paul, who had changed back and was storming out of the bushes toward the group of vampires.

Bare-ass naked.

Diplomacy was never Paul's strong suit and while it usually never worked in Sam's favor, he couldn't see anything wrong with it right now. He wasn't doing anything Sam didn't want to do himself and the terror and disgust on the vamps faces would be totally worth it.

In fact, it could be even better.

_Follow Paul,_ he sent through and without waiting for the pack to ask exactly what he meant by that, he changed from four legs to two and started the trek to the meadow.

Without his shorts.

There was some hesitation as the younger members were probably trying to figure out if he'd finally lost his shit but it wasn't too long before he heard foot steps and snickering behind him.

They weren't strangers to nudity, not anymore at least. It took some adjustment for everyone to not be embarrassed or judgmental but it was easier than trying to find places to stash spare clothes or having someone tie them around your neck before you ran route.

Nearly getting clotheslined because you caught your pants on a branch tends to change your way of thinking.

Sam was right behind his packmate at the edge of the clearing when a noise pierced the air and both he and Paul froze—the latter with one leg arched up in the air, dick dangling dangerously over a barberry bush.

It was like thunder, or rock splitting from a cliff, the sound echoed and shook his bones; confused and scared growls rose up around him as he and the pack fought the desire to shift, his skin rippling with the effort. This wasn't a storm. There was something… _wrong_ with it.

_Threatening_.

"What the _fuck_ is happening?!" A voice screeched.

They knew that voice. The two shared a look at the bitchy vamp's outburst before sprinting the rest of the way into the field.

Or in Paul's case, hurdling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two comments! You guys are the shit! Seriously, that's not sarcasm. If I'm being honest I wasn't expecting even that--so THANK YOU. And to the peeps who left kudos (I don't know what those are or do so someone please educate me), thank you to you too!
> 
> Short chapter but I'll be posting chappy number three along with it to make up for the length. 
> 
> Reviews are life.


	3. "Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home." Part II

Okay. She could do this. There was no reason to panic, right? This all could be solved with just a few clarifying words, no big deal.

But then again, was she allowed to say anything? Or would her memories of everything she loved be wiped like the bad ending of a government-alien conspiracy movie?

_Only one way to find out._

Bella turned to the wizard and raised a single eyebrow, hopefully conveying her question without the need to physically say it.

He smirked.

_Fine. Asshole._

And so, with visions of tailored suits and neuralyzers, she did what any sensible human being would do in her situation.

She lied her ass off.

Or she would have if two pissed off nude men hadn't come barging out of the tree line behind them at that exact moment.

"What are you fucksticks doing?!"

And it was at that moment that Bella knew this was all some giant cosmic middle finger because as soon as Sam and Paul were about halfway to them, the rest of the pack came stomping out as well.

_Naked. They're literally all naked. All of them._

She didn't realize she had spoken out loud until one cold hand cut off her vision and an arm curled around under her breasts to pull her back against an equally cool chest.

"Edward!" She hissed as she tried to pull his hand away from her face. He growled, the sound low but loud next to her ear. She wasn't sure if he finally broke free from the spell or if the wizard had let him go but either way, it definitely wasn't what she needed right now. "Let me go!"

"Not until they put on some clothes like _civilized creatures!"_ _Oh for fucks sake._

A distinctly feminine scream of offense erupted from somewhere on her right. Not that she could blame her, shit was going down and not in a good way.

She was still trying (failing) to get Edward off when voices rose up around her.

"My eyes _—_! _" Emmett?_

 _"_ We had a plan!" _Sam,_ she thought next.

"—it burns!" _Definitely Emmett._

"We trained for this! Subjected ourselves to bullshit—" _Sam… maybe?_

"—what do you expect from leeches—" _Definitely Paul._

"—a fucking _muzzle_! Do you hear me—" _Oh no._

"—for it to go to hell!"

"—more step and I will _rip it off_ and feed it to—!"

Bella froze.

The last voice cut off quick, leaving a short but violent echo before it faded completely, without retaliation.

Nothing, save the wind. Complete and utter, _blessed_ , silence.

Footsteps broke the small reprieve and she felt her boyfriends arms disappear in a rush. It took her a few seconds to get her eyes adjusted to the light again but when she did, she almost wished she hadn't.

"You can pick him up," the wizard said, motioning to the long eared honey colored floof at her feet. "I warned him to behave and you know how she is about overbearing types." He winked and faced the majority of the wolves and vampires, who at this point, were all stuck in place.

"Now," he stated as she bent down to grab Edward, cuddling him under her chin. "Let me start off by saying that you are _all_ idiots. You have a gaggle of vampiric mosquitoes coming your way in approximately—" a quick peek at this watch yielded, "thirty seconds. Yes, it is that soon. Tinkerbell over there probably could have told you but instead, here you are arguing like school girls." Normally she'd enjoy this verbal beat down (really, who wouldn't) but the possible outcome of her demise was a bucket of ice water and she realized the only thing standing between her and death's sweet but unwelcome embrace was a woman whom she hasn't spoken to for a year.

Three short pop's welcomed three newcomers, all women, who moved to stand behind the wizard that she still had no fucking clue who he was.

"If I unfreeze you," this was punctuated with a _very_ hairy eyeball, "you will stay out of the way _and_ quiet or so help me I will turn each and every one of you into adorable little animals and put you into a petting zoo. Trust me, you will never be the same."

Oh-kay.

With one last lingering glare, he waved his hand in a weird figure-eight like movement and everyone (except her bunny-boyfriend) slumped down slightly with newly recovered movement.

Were they fucking furious?

Absolutely.

Did they all take one wide-eyed look at Edward and realize that yes, the weird and slightly sadistic threat was real?

You betcha.

"Ten seconds!" The three new witches nodded and fanned out in front everyone, about an arm's length away from each other.

"Did you call for more babysitters?" She asked. "I'm not going anywhere."

The man giggled and tucked a wayward strand of red hair behind his ear before leaning closer. "No no, I can handle you," he whispered. "Those three are for your friends. They are, if you haven't noticed already, surprisingly flammable."

The ball of extra soft cotton in her arms tensed, as did the shoulders of every other Cullen.

"Not to worry now," he said, patting her elbow. "Boss Lady rarely ever gets out of control but she likes to be on the safe side. It'd be bad form to let the in-laws burn, wouldn't you say?"

Bella choked as the first wave of crimson eyes broke through.


	4. “I may not be a human, but I am a man.”

He'd seen some shit.

Growing up with an absent dead-beat sperm donor and a single mother who was never home because she was working to provide him the best life she could, allowed a snot-nosed kid a lot of freedom.

Aka freedom to do fuck-all.

He had to learn the hard way what responsibility was and what being accountable for your actions meant. But nothing ever hit as hard as learning that you're a part of a supernatural race born to protect your people against the scum of humanity.

Oh, and you're supposed to be the boss. How's that for responsibility and accountability?

He didn't take it well at first.

_Understatement_.

He spent two weeks trying and failing to get drunk so he didn't have to feel his joints cracking and fusing back together like tiny pockets of fucking magma. By the third day of sweating through his clothes and his sheets he stripped everything down and walked around naked only to pass out on the floor. Cold showers didn't help and the one ice machine on the Rez was out-of-order more often than it was working so no ice bath—not that he had the patience or the will to walk to get it.

The night he screamed into the darkness was the worst. He cursed his people, his name, his piece of shit father as the last swig of cheap whiskey dried up in his throat. His nails were short, chewed until they bled but they still marked his skin as he tore at his flesh, his voice raw from screaming as it healed in seconds.

It wasn't until the pain stopped that he truly felt the rage.

And it wasn't until he damned himself that he realized he was saved.

After that, it took him less time to get right than it did to get wrong. When kids younger than him started to go through the same shit he did he knew this wasn't just some fucked up karmic bullshit. He took charge in a way he didn't think he could. And it became personal.

He was the one Paul came to when his dad used him as an outlet for his anger.

He was the one Jacob came to when memories of his mom overwhelmed him and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry or punch something.

He was the one who walked Quil through his imprint and did his best to get him completely shit-faced _because how the fuck does the universe think it's okay to tie your soul to a two year old._

And he was the one that threatened to bitch slap the Elders when they tried to put restrictions on Leah because she was a woman—forgetting the fact that she could chew them up and spit them out.

His pack was his family. Even with all their fuck-ups, they were _his_.

And that meant he would do anything, be anything for them.

But fuck if that meant he knew what to do right now because he definitely didn't.

He just got his rights read according to the idiot speech that was just given by some ginger haired fuck who had _frozen him in place._

There was a woman—aka one tiny ass lady—standing in between his pack and the wall of leeches across the meadow and _what the fuck was she going to do?_

And the number one Least Desirable Cullen was now a rabbit (he refused to call it a bunny).

He was willing to put up with a lot of shit but this was an entirely new level of twilight zone fuckery—

—and then his world erupted in heat and screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I promise I’ll get to your comments! I PROMISE. But I wanted to get these on here before I forgot—enjoy!


	5. “Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home.” Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *unedited

When the newborns crashed through the trees, she could admit to some trepidation.

When they zeroed in on her cousin who was clearly showing some loss of mental faculties, she clenched Edward so tight he squeaked.

But it was when they started running that she finally felt fear.

" _Containment Alpha!_ " The wands of the three women in front of them went up before the order was finished, the movements swift and efficient but delicate.

And she had no idea what happened but suddenly the meadow in front of her exploded into fire.

Literally.

She may have peed a little.

Bella watched, horrified, as the flames consumed everything in their path. Rushing toward their group faster than she ever thought possible.

"No—!" Her cry was cut short as the heat crashed into her, the wind accompanying it whipping her clothes and hair about in painful stings and sharp cracks, stealing her voice.

She felt helpless, panic acutely sinking in that whatever the witches did _didn't actually do anything and now they were all going to be burned beyond recognition—_

But the front of flame suddenly shot upward, towering into the sky above them following along an invisible edge she didn't see.

The final product was an enormous dome of orange and red and blue and—

—she was in there.

_Ho-ly fuck her cousin was in there._

The one who was so unbearably excited to get a _desk job_ , was in the middle of that tiny sun and _how did she not notice sooner?!_

_Screw this._

Whirling around to the wizard intending on screaming his ears raw _because seriously how was this the plan_ —only to be drowned out by the most horrific screams imaginable.

She dropped Edward without thinking, her palms coming up to slam against her ears as it intensified.

The wizard next to her shoved his hands in his pockets but not before pointing and cackling at something behind her.

This was clearly a bag of crazy she wasn't touching with a ten foot pole.

And what she saw when she turned back around only solidified her previous thought.

Vampires were flinging themselves at the wall of the dome, hoping for freedom and respite against the fire but it was no use. The flames consumed them strangely slowly but they never wavered in their attempt to escape.

And the screaming never stopped.

It was awful. It was horrendous and disturbing and clearly _torture_ —

She couldn't look away.

It was like a car accident. Not like a fender-bender or running it off the road. It's the one where a semi-truck collided with a passenger car head on and the tiny commuter vehicle looks like a matchbox. You pass by and can't help but look and it's not until after you're long gone that you realize the people wouldn't have had the time or the ability to escape and no human could have fit into what that car now resembled.

But they did fit.

Forcibly.

And as the maniacal grin got wider on the mans face and his eyes reflected hellfire orange, she watched as the inferno turned alabaster armor into airborne ash and wondered how her cousin could possibly come out alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. Darker. Sorrynotsorry. 
> 
> Also, it’ll get explained in future chapters but for all of you fellow Potterheads—don’t @ me for them being cousins and Bella knowing the secret. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! 
> 
> And for the wonderful people who think I’ve been annoyingly vague with things, it’s on purpose.


	6. "I may not be a human, but I am a man." Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved your comments so I decided to post this waaaay before I was going to. 
> 
> But this is it. This is the last of the prewritten-dragged-from-ff.net and now I need to somehow reclaim my muse because I refuse to let this die. 
> 
> Also--SEX. I REPEAT, SEXY THOUGHTS AHEAD.

It was chaos.

Heat slammed into him, roaring, propelled by some unnatural force while its flame lay trapped, devouring the unsuspecting and unwanted.

The overcast sky darkened as a black roiling mass of smoke towered up and up and up, outside of its invisible containment until it collided in an angry torrent of cold air and hot embers.

His tongue ghosted over chapped lips as the flesh of his enemies coated his skin and hair in soft clumps of grey.

The Call hummed through his veins.

He had heard the Swan girl cry out but he couldn't— _wouldn't_ —tear his gaze from the center of the dome.

That woman was still in there.

Alive.

He could see her between the shifts of orange and blue, swaying with the tendrils, a stick held up in her hand.

He had no idea how she wasn't burnt to a fucking crisp but he was sure she was the one controlling the fire. It followed her as the pups followed him.

Unwavering and unyielding.

A cackle sounded off to his left as the first body threw itself at the translucent wall. Like a switch was flipped, humanoid shapes slammed into the barrier, hopelessly looking for a way to escape without realizing there wasn't one. Some were already burned beyond recognition and lasted only one launch before they crumbled.

Literally.

Others were relatively unscathed—

_Not for long._

Mindless, they continued to use themselves as battering rams, breaking themselves apart with the force even as the fire slowly but efficiently ate them.

All the while this stranger stood at the center of the storm.

" _Ho-ly_ fuck."

Sam finally tore his eyes away from the decimation— _and had to blink away tears because staring into a flaming vortex apparently causes shit to dry out_ —to find his entire pack staring at the scene with everything from awe to fear.

Not a closed jaw among them.

Paul snapped his mouth shut with an audible click before turning toward him.

"You gotta admit boss, this is _way_ more badass." Paul smirked before sending the back of his hand across his forehead and eyes. He went for sweat but only served to smear the ash, a black shadow streaking against his brown skin. The sharp whiteness of Paul's smile twisted then, becoming demented with the black slash across his eyes and his image morphed into something _other_. Something wild and demonic that hunts by the heels of the moon.

Like a wolf of old.

The sharp iciness that he associated with a leech was finally beginning to diminish as the blaze soldiered on, consuming everything in its path and Sam felt an answering grin form on his face.

The Cold Ones wouldn't win today.

Someone behind him howled into the dusky sky— _Jared_ —a story of triumph and death and justice to those Unnatural.

A promise.

Sam's body vibrated as the voices of his pack rose, their energy and excitement feeding into him but his eyes remained fixed on the woman in black. She and these people, they didn't smell of monsters but they weren't anything he's ever encountered. He was hesitant to name them. But as he watched, he also waited. There was a movement under his skin.

His wolf was prowling.

Anticipating.

He had no idea for what but he always tried to listen.

He blinked as the brightness in front of him dimmed, the fire still active but not an inferno like before.

And the woman was walking out.

The stick she was carrying was gone and her arms were relaxed as she made her way to their group. The flames swirled around her thighs and tangled in her fingers, creeping up her arms. The black duster billowed behind, her braid bouncing lightly against her shoulder with every step she sunk into the ashen floor. Amber eyes flicked up and away but it was enough.

His blood sang as the adrenaline kicked in, and he just barely restrained his wolf before it overtook him. Lust and _knowing_ hit him like a fucking sledgehammer as her scent washed over him on the wind.

She was salt and sea and smoke and fire. Conflicting. He smelled earth, fresh after the rain with the musky scent of dark places and brittle bones. But she also smelled of the sky, light and airy and the striking glimpse of lightning lingered under it all.

She smelled of wild things.

Dangerous. Seductive.

Intoxicating.

His bones hummed in acceptance as the bond settled into place, his soul tethering itself to hers with the barest caress—

Her eyes snapped to his and stayed.

 _Oh shit_.

That whiskey stare seared straight through him, heat shooting low and pooling. He was frozen, caught in that predatory gaze and utterly transfixed as she moved, slow and sensual but powerful, with purpose—

His fingers twitched. His hands longed to be on that pale skin, gripping those hips as she came undone on top of him—

He was positive she had no idea what she was doing to him.

Or she might because he was pretty sure that not-so-little-Sam was standing at attention.

But how could it not? This woman was sex on legs all wrapped up in a tight little package of his favorite color with eyes made for the night. He tracked down her face, across freckles to pink full lips —

_Nibble those—_

To the turtle neck that outlined a thin bra and hardened nipples—

_Lick those—_

Tucked in to poured on black jeans that he'd love nothing more than to rip away.

With his teeth.

His breathing was ragged now. She invaded his senses, possessed his soul in one world-shattering look and he was lost—stranded and she was the one that called him home.

 _Hell_. He was adrift and she was the boat, the ocean, the breeze, the stars. All encompassing. He just didn't know it until now.

Sam opened his mouth as she finally, _finally_ , neared him—

—only for it to go completely tits up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. The moment. Sort of. 
> 
> Also, heads up-I will be drastically changing some things (obvi) but I thought it prudent to let ya'll know that I will be trying to incorporate more Quileute lore than the shiz Steph came up with. For example, imprinting was made up specifically for twilight and while I'll be keeping it for the sake of storytelling, it's getting revamped. And the Cold Ones were never a thing. Also made up and also keeping and revamping.
> 
> And if you haven't figured out that this will be a wee bit more dark and lot more sex filled-get out now or be dragged down to the gallows with the rest of us degenerates.


End file.
